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New riding jacket?
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I’ll take the blue one… okay maybe both of them…
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These are my confessions
My confession
Today has proved to be a humiliating one and driven me to confession. My whole life I’ve known exactly what I’ve wanted to do. I’ve never questioned it and have taken every step necessary to reach my goal… At least I thought I did. My worst fear is that my whole life has been a mistake, a lie, a ruse. Even worse is that I fear that the person I deceived was myself.
I confess that I have not done everything in my power to practice my craft and hone my skills. I confess that I am afraid of rejection and that every time I receive that obligatory “we regret to inform you” email I crumble a little inside. I confess that I am afraid that every day I am headed in the wrong direction and becoming increasingly lost. And I confess that I am scared.
It seems odd to think that the path to success lies in practice when I am unable to practice at all. I know the puzzle pieces and the game but I don’t know where to start. I feel exhausted every day that I come home from the constant barrage of complaints. As soon as I have enough to fill my stomach I lie in bed cringing thinking about the next day, knowing that I am headed for the same thing. I’m tired of fixing everyone else’s problems and I need a little help with my own.
We grow up being told we are special and everyday I realize how un-special I really am. It is this realization that is killing my drive. I used to think anything was possible, now I think how can anything be possible. As a child I would daydream about grand and wonderful things. As an adult I get reprimanded for drifting off and thinking differently. I’ve written stories and epics but have received only stares in return. I’ve drawn heroes and villains but receive only laughs and rejection letters.
I understand that rejection and failure are necessary to my growth. But what they don’t understand is that success is too. We can only receive so many “no’s” before we start saying “no” ourselves. I haven’t given up… Not yet. But I confess that I am tired, I am lost, and I am discouraged.
Everyone seems to have such a simple solution.
“Just work harder”
“Just do it”
“Just practice”
“Just keep trying”I want you to think of your dream. The one thing you’ve always wanted. Your life goal. Your very being and existence. Now I’m going to dangle it in front of you. And I’m telling you:
“Just work harder”
“Just do it”
“Just practice”
“Just keep trying”
With every step you take, I take two back. You may or may not give up but at some point you might think to yourself, “is this worth it?” even if your answer is yes would you tell me that you aren’t tired? Would you tell me that you are not discouraged? Would you tell me you’re different? Perhaps you are. But I confess, I’m not you.This is my confession… To myself. Within each of us there is a side that fights forward and a side that retreats. It is our eternal internal struggle that defines our lives. To be completely honest I don’t know what side will win… But then again which one of us does?
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It’s this kind of day
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A sequence inspired by fractal imagery for Amplifier’s The Octopus Version 2.0
(via fuckyeahillustrativeart)
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Aziz Ansari and Matthew Shawver present…
Emojis in Paris (N*ggas in Paris Remix)
Theme: Linear by Peter Vidani
